Should they want fast,
She'd serve them slow —
Not gratify a single need,
Even if the'd beg and plead!

Flo would never take the time,
To shed a ray of sunshine,
She viewed her business, after all,
As feeding horses in a stall!

Ice Flo was harsh and awfully gruff,
Left everyone in quite a huff,
Still, more than one good man proposed
To Flo's upturned and frozen nose.

Her attributes were mostly bad,
They needed more than just a tad
Of mellowing to halt abuse.
Her coldness was beyond excuse.

Compliments were hard to find;
Flo always heard them as unknind.
So she never paid them mind,
Leaving them and theirs behind.

"Won't you banter with us, Flo?
Is there something we should know?
Something you're concerned to tell?
Don't we always treat you well?"

"I can't wait for grass to grow;
Make your mind up, will you, Joe.
The menu's printed on the back;
Is it reading skill you lack!"

"You gnarly, lemon-coated thing,
What monarch died and left you king?
Are you here to serve or rule?
Take a course at some charm school!"

"Your screeching,' Whatja want!'
Brings to mind a hated aunt.
You never have an ounce of fun;
Your face is like a loaded gun!"

"Your voice stabs like a needle's prick;
Your posture's rigid as a stick.
Would you prefer that we all go,
And lift this burden from you, Flo?"

"Have you noticed life's not long?
Speaking kindly can't be wrong.
The world ain't out to get you, Flo;
Just lighten up, you'll see it's so."

"You dimwits, you're so damned obtuse,
To think this isn't pure abuse.
Working with the likes of you,
Makes me wish my shift was through."

She returned with their large order,
Flinging plates in every quarter!
"I'm leaving now to spend my cash;
Serve yourselves this tasteless trash!"

"Lady, you're a crocodile!
Have you ever cracked a smile?
Does that thick and senseless hide,
Eclipse in you a better side?"

If in fact she even had one,
It would have shown when work was done.
Flo never rested her cranky head,
At least that's what her neighbor's said.

It seems that someone stole her guy
Thereafter, bitter years slipped by,
And all those years seemed cruel to her,
Each one alike, and all one blur.

No, matter when, no matter where,
She always wore that joyless stare,
And if a neighbor said, 'hello,'
She'd treat them like another Joe.

So never more was Flo befriended,
Up until her last shift ended,
She choked upon a chicken bone,
And died next door there, all alone.

Her Epitaph Read —

"Florence Medley, dubbed 'Ice Flo,'
Served the folks here, don't you know,
Worked the late shift at the diner,
Trailing all her cares behind her."

"She leaves behind her unused soul,
In some old battered salad bowl,
The hardened ice packed in her veins,
Is all of her that still remains."

- Charles Albano

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