"My good friend Watson, look at that."
Holmes handed it to him and asked,
"What words of wisdom speak this hat?"
"I do not see; I fail to grasp."

"Surely, Watson, you can do better."
He took it back and looked again.
"Yes, I see a tiny letter...
Might signify the owner's name."

"What else, good Doctor, do you see?"
"Well, it's old, quite stained and dusty."
"And does that tell you nothing more?"
"It came from an expensive store."

"Indeed it did; you're doing well,
Although this hat has more to tell."
"Oh, sorry Holmes, that's all I see."
"Now Watson, you embarrass me."

"I've studied it and see it not."
"How could you overlook this spot!
Your problem is you don't infer,
You cede too quick or just concur."

"And so you fail to see beyond,
Your higher thought does not respond."
"Pray tell me what I overlook."
"Good fellow, it's an open book."

Holmes gazed at it from side to side.
"It shouts so loud, it cannot hide!"
Then Watson mumbled grudgingly,
"You see it all-- so you tell me!"

"Watson, I should be delighted,
To help you where
You're so short-sighted."
"Holmes, I don't think that you can add,
The slightest inkling of a tad
To what I have already said."

With finger pointing to his head,
Holmes began his dissertation,
In his strongest avocation.

"The owner had high intellect,
Was well to do, I do suspect.
But recently he retrogressed,
As hard times brought him under stress."

"He lost his wealth;
He took to drink —
His wife stopped loving him,
I think."

"At middle age, his body's wrecked,
But still he keeps some self-respect.
Confined to sedentary life,
He lacks his former keen foresight."

"That marked his earlier career.
Take note — this limed and grissled hair,
From smell of it... I'd have to say,
This hair was cut just yesterday."

"You must regard me as a fool:
I graduated medical school,
So how can I acknowledge that
Deductions stemming from this hat
Can possibly find good support?"

"If you're a gentleman you ought,
Admit your thinking is defective.
Even you, world's best detective,
Do, on occasion, go astray.
Fess up; you've not done well today!"

"Watson, you astonish me.
Your doubting nature does endure.
Shall I explain it logically —
Go point by point to reassure?
All right then —I suppose I should
Go over it for your own good."

"It's rather elementary:
This hat, it glides right over me.
Its cubicle capacity
Suggests a certain intellect,
But there's still more here to detect."

"Over this spot he daubed some ink,
This faded stain's a telltale link,
A vestige of integrity.
He made the effort, don't you see?
Despite the fact of his decline,
He cared enough to take the time."

"This hat is an expensive one.
Its brim is curled along the edge,
So that is why I do allege
How, for some time, his fortune's run.
Had he the means, he'd have replaced,
This worn-out hat; it's a disgrace."

"Look closely at the dust on it;
It's not the common sort of grit,
That's found outside on cobblestones.
It's found in ordinary homes."

"His wife could not have loved him so,
If she allowed such dust to grow,
And, I deduce from this thick grime,
It's been outdoors most of the time."

"Then too, the lining in the hat,
Has turned into a kind of mat.
See those hair ends neatly cut,
Clinging fast to that broad rut?"

"The hair itself is turning gray.
He sweats a lot, that's fair to say;
For sure this felow's middle-aged.
These perspiration stains engage
My mind, such that it thinks,
That from all exercise he shrinks."

"And note the many marks of tallow
From candles held at angles shallow.
Were gas instaled, he'd fear the spark —
So I infer his house is dark."

"This broad clasp would indicate,
That we may safely speculate,
This poor chap has lost his foresight;
For, unrepaired,it can't hold tight.
It keeps the hat from falling off;
His thinking must have gotten soft."

"Any questions, my dear Watson?"
"Can't think of anything undone!"

This onslaught, being not enough,
Out from his favorite pipe he puffed,
"Be patient, Watson, and you'll see —
It's all so elementary!"

- Charles Albano

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